Pi-Consulting

he average American will still order a double cheeseburger and large fries, then virtuously pick a diet soft drink to wash it down with. Since the early 1990s, America’s average bra size has jumped from 34B to 36C. Brassiere company executives attribute this mainly to the above mentioned double cheeseburgers and large fries, though surgical breast implants in the USA have also been increasing by as much as half each year. Clearly a contributory factor to the bra-size explosion. (Sources: Simmons, New York Times, American Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, Pi).

“Walk? Not bloody likely!” Eliza Doolittle in Shaw’s play Pygmalion memorably declared, “I’m goin’ in a taxi!”. This may be the last recorded expression of unconditional enthusiasm for taxicabs as a mode of transport. In today’s world, you are more likely to hear a string of complaints about them. A taxi ride seems to be one of those products or services which consumers pay for because they have to, not because they want to.

In a world of increasing product harmonization, is a standard-issue cab ride a more or less standardized experience around the globe? On some measures it probably is. Taxi users everywhere are united in their complaints about high prices, indirect routes, surly drivers, mysteriously defective taxi-meters, and the fact that you can never find a cab when it’s raining. (Actually that last one is sort of a back-handed compliment to this much reviled mode of transport. There are moments when we actually need a cab).

However, the complaints about high prices may not always be justified. An examination of available sources on five large cities in different corners of the Americas suggests that price is only part of a complex of variables determining how many people use taxis in a given market.

In a recent comparison, Los Angeles was charging the highest urban taxi fares in the world, at just under $15 for a 3-mile ride. New York was not far behind, and both cities showed low figures for “used a taxi yesterday”. Coincidentally, high percentages of Angelenos and New Yorkers own their own cars. By contrast, both cab fares and car-ownership are dramatically lower in places like Buenos Aires and Mexico City, and taxi usage is therefore higher. The principle seems to be that fewer private cars mean a bigger pool, both of taxis and of paying customers to ride in them. If it’s true, that means there are parallel economies of scale which hold down prices and increase uptake as a result. In many cities, taxis are a ‘commoditized’ alternative to a creaking and unreliable urban public transport system. One wonders if this ‘benign circle’ might possibly be repeated elsewhere. Could traffic congestion in New York and London be reduced by slashing 80% off taxi fares? We will probably never know.

Of course a taxi ride is not just about getting from A to B. It’s also an opportunity to exchange views with one of the most dogmatically opinionated people on the planet. New York cabbies, in Pi’s experience, know very little, but have strong opinions on just about everything. If their passenger is brave enough to voice an opinion of his own from his perspex prison-cell in the back of the car, chances are he will be sharply told to “fuggeddabadit”. London cabbies, by contrast, really do know everything. Since London traffic has now apparently slowed to an average speed of less than 5 miles an hour, even a ride of a few blocks gives your driver the chance to share with you the full extent of his knowledge about the entire universe, sometimes twice.

What of the “in-taxi experience”? Depending on where in the world you hire your cab, its interior fixtures and décor will probably differ in exotic ways. The miniature football boots dangling from the rear-view mirror will be the same, but everything else will be a tribute to the uniqueness of local culture. In Mexico, for instance, the inside of a taxi is often decked out like a religious shrine Crimson ‘altar cloths’ fringed with gold tassels cover the dashboard. St. Christopher medals and images of the Virgin of Guadalupe dangle distractingly in front of your driver’s eyes. (This is so that he can take his hands off the steering wheel and clutch onto something genuinely reliable when a traffic accident is imminent). In Saudi Arabia, Pi was told, you will find cabbies watching miniature TV sets while driving you around. One nervous English passenger asked if this wasn’t a rather dangerous practice. “Not really”, said the driver, “at least it’s not as dangerous as reading the newspaper”.

The importance of in-cab appurtenances should not be underestimated. The taxi market is apparently governed by a “price-to-kitsch ratio”. Comparative figures reveal that the cheapest cab-rides are to be had in Mumbai, Bangkok, Jakarta and in the rainbow-colored ‘jeepneys’ of Manila. Coincidentally, these are all cities where taxi-drivers vie for the honor of owning the most exotically decorated taxi on the street. How different from the sober black of London taxis, (which of course cost a lot more to ride in).

The mathematical principle at work here seems to be that the fare charged for a cab ride varies in direct inverse proportion to the garishness of the vehicle’s décor. So, when hailing a cab in foreign parts, Pi advises you to keep an eye out for fairy-lights, gold trimmed crimson altar cloths, holy medallions and little flashing neon football boots. You’ll probably save money.

Tech rules. The average American comes up with more commercially exploitable technological innovations and ideas than people from practically any other country. The Finns, for some reason, seem to be the runners-up. Despite this, the typical American faced with a malfunctioning electronic device, notwithstanding his/her membership of the most technologically advanced society in man’s history, still usually resorts to ‘percussive maintenance’, i.e. thumping the crap out of the thing to try to start it working again. (Sources: World Economic Forum, The Dilbert Zone, Pi)

God gave Adam a luxuriant growth of facial hair, but every morning his sons laboriously scrape it off again. A huge global industry is based on this curious fact.

What do men use to keep themselves clean-shaven? A recent survey in Europe showed that 45% of European males have electric shavers, and that nearly two-thirds of them use some kind of wet-shaving system, whether conventional razors or the disposable kind. All together those who shave seem to represent nearly 90% of adult males. (There is some duplication: a significant number of ‘wet shavers’ apparently keep an electric shaver handy as well). That leaves around 10% of adult males who don’t give any direct evidence that they shave at all.

Logic says that we can assume that those guys all wear beards. In the absence of “Do you have a beard?” as a questionnaire item in most surveys, it’s perhaps as close as we’re likely to get. (But wait. Could these people be regular shavers who happen to use someone else’s razor? Their wives’ or girlfriends’, for instance? Ewwwww!!! If yes, Pi would like to hear from the Wronged Women whose shaving equipment is being borrowed by their Unprincipled Menfolk. In keeping with this website’s fearless editorial policy, We Will Name The Guilty Men).

Interestingly enough, a man’s propensity to wear a beard seems to vary according to a North-South divide, at least in Europe. A higher proportion of British men turned up in the “don’t shave” column than Frenchmen. There are considerably more bearded men in the chilly climes of Germany than in sunny Spain, where the clean-shaven predominate by a higher margin. Pi’s Law of Thermobarbanomics (“more heat, less beards”) could be close to becoming proven scientific fact.

Electric shaver owners tend to be older (peak age is 55+), and predominantly married. They seem to be the buttoned-up sort, who like organized routines, and judge a fellow by the car he drives. Wet shavers cluster in the younger age ranges, and are slightly more likely to be divorced or separated.

How do non-shavers differ from their clean-shaven brethren? For a start, they tend to be either way older or way younger, polarized to the under-20 and over-65 age groups. Many of the younger ones are students, and still single. Temperamentally, they can be casual to the point of untidiness, forthright to the point of rudeness, and they tend to do things impulsively, on the spur of the moment. They don’t really see cars as status symbols, don’t put much effort into appearing attractive to women, and are not particularly happy with their jobs. Barbarians, perhaps… ?

As this site reported on March 17th, “America’s consumer electronics (CE) industry is grappling with stringent new federal and state legislation to ensure that manufacturers ‘take out the garbage’ as they sell-in new gizmos like HDTV. The issue is a serious one, with the impending switch-off of analogue TV services likely to mean huge numbers of old TV sets getting left on the sidewalk”. We spoke too soon. A new CEA (Consumer Electronics Association) study posits an “afterlife” for many superannuated TV sets. “While some have speculated that millions of TVs would enter the waste stream, …results of the (CEA) study …show that households …expect to remove fewer than 15 million televisions from their homes through 2010. Ninety-five percent will be sold, donated or re-cycled”. Nearly half of OTA-only (i.e. traditional “over-the-air”) TV households “expect to buy a digital converter box, …and to continue using the same TV”. When the old set has to go, re-cycling is increasingly the disposal method of choice, with consumers reporting 30% more TV’s recycled in 2007 than two years earlier. Pi salutes this impressively green and responsible consumer trend! Sources: CEA, Pi.